Stirring Point

What will you be in this world? What will life drop on your doorstep? How will you react when the world takes a swing in your direction? Will you be a man of character? Will you tower above the endless ignorance surrounding you?

You’ll be forced to walk a large portion of life’s road alone. People will be physically present, but much of the time, you’ll stand in a library of one, trying to make sense of the data you’ve collected. The details on “how to live” will be yours to suss out and time will offer you guidance. But there are a few concepts I see as truths and I’d like to share them with you. You’re a child now, and the below is heavy duty. But maybe these ideas will ease your adolescence. Or maybe you’ll discard them for something wiser. As you grow, I ask only one thing: the ideas you encounter—question them all, especially if they feel illogical to you. Question the ones I offer below. Nothing here is gospel.

Be kind. You will never regret being kind. Kindness is a lubricant in a world filled with hostility. Life will tug at your emotions. Your expectations for the future will often come up short. This is normal, and that’s okay. When you react in the moment, try to bend toward kindness. People will tell you that reactions can’t be controlled. At times, this may be true. But with practice and effort, we can train ourselves to reach for kindness. You may feel outraged by an unjust action, and you may be justified in your reaction. Other times, your reaction may be flippant and shallow. Study both reactions and recognize the difference. Practice kindness as an instrument and your mind will play its beautiful music. 

Be aware. Pay attention to the behavior of your mind. Watch how your thoughts arise from nothingness and fade to black just as quickly. Awareness is challenging and will take time to bear fruit. Many people give up this practice because it appears to be in contrast to our nature. With time, your awareness will wipe the dust from the window of your mind and offer you clarity. This vision may take your entire life to cultivate. Maybe you’ll never see it. But if you do, you’ll find that your thoughts and emotions are malleable and can be changed on the spot. Anger doesn’t need to consume you. You can turn it off like a spigot. There’s no award given for indignation, so use anger only as a signal to initiate change. Then, let it go.

People are not good or bad by nature—they just are. The circumstances of how individuals are raised and the influences of their environment interact with their neurology. These factors lead to choices. Some folks will claim your choices are a result of free will. Others will suggest that “choices” are the result of determinism. Regardless, these actions, when viewed through the lens of modern morality, are judged as good or bad. Ideas that implicate actions can be good or bad as well. But people, as they are, are just people. 

Fight for the innocent. Be a voice in the room when a voice is needed. There are people in this world who are born into horrid circumstances by no fault of their own. They face racism, sexism and discrimination. Remember this: We are all created equal. That’s not a polite suggestion; it’s a moral imperative. Of course, that’s true as a maxim, but not in practice. Many people are devalued before they take their first breath. Their color, religion or culture makes them “less than” in the eyes of others. First, ensure that your own life is never trapped under the boot of oppression. If you are free, then be the person who prys the boot from the necks of others who cannot do so alone. This doesn’t require martyrdom. It can be as small as speaking up on the playground, in the office, or on the street. Conflict is difficult, but some fights are necessary. It’s in you to make sure that you give to others what you already have for yourself. If you need inspiration, look to the men and women of the American Civil Rights movement of the 1960s. Their examples are the embodiment of integrity.

Your capacity for giving outweighs the need for taking. Our nature, along with the world’s messaging, tells us to consume and collect as much as we can. More of what? Everything. Calories, clothing, electronics, and knicknacks—the hunger for “more” is insatiable. Be aware. Think about what it is you want and why you need it. Do you need it? Maybe. But there’s no lasting joy in endless consumption. Your youth will drive you toward selfishness. Acknowledge your nature as you grow, but refuse to bend a knee to it. Amassing “more” is a vestige of your ancestry. There’s a reason for this behavior. You’re not broken for wanting more, but like many vestiges, this one is obsolete. Break the habit through acts of awareness. “What do I want?” vs. “What do I need?” is the question we must ask ourselves. At times, get what you want. Life shouldn’t be pleasureless. Indulge! Just be mindful of your consumption. Its grip is creeping. Focus more on giving your time and kindness to others. Be a steward of your community.

Be a clear thinker. Opinions are like reactions: they are formed in a split second. Your words affect others, and to craft thoughts for a meaningful conversation, think clearly before you speak. Take your time. Consider as many facts as you can. Of course, falling too far into a self-conscious loop may cause the fear of judgment to pinch your lips. Speak your mind, but first, consider your position. If you are speaking to experts, listen and ask questions. If you are exploring new or challenging ideas, stay open to suggestions. Pliant thinking is a strength, not a weakness. Your ego will tell you to dig in—that you’re right—and it will shut down your active listening. Egos thrive on rigid worldviews—one’s in which you are the center of attention. Know that you are one of many and take the time to consider what others have to teach you. When you speak, make your words count.

Seek resistance. It’s a gift to your body and mind. At times, too much can be a detriment to your well-being, so be mindful. When done right, resistance will create an adaptive response that builds physical strength and resilience of character. There are people who fear resistance for the discomfort it creates. They’ll tell you you’re doing more harm than good. At times, they may be right. Often, though, they’re speaking out of fear. Don’t absorb their fears. Be aware of your own and explore its origin. Will facing a fear hurt you physically or psychologically? If not, inch closer and closer until you can chip away at its veneer. Smart people act foolishly in the face of their fears, so don’t rest on their concern. Decide for yourself, but don’t run from hardship. Embrace the challenges you face. Create challenges for yourself. Find ways to leave fear behind you, like the setting sun in a rearview mirror.

Find what moves you and let it lead you to new heights. The humanities, the sciences, people—whatever moves you is a form of art. There is no right path in life beyond doing the least amount of harm to others, using your time wisely and being kind. Beyond this, there’s no correct answer for how to live. You’ll look to adults for guidance, but they know only slightly more than you do. Many adults are scared, confused and listless. Their outward composure often hides their deep inner turmoil.

Be honest. You’ll lie at times because you fear the repercussions the truth may bring. Our fear of judgment and punishment is often the source of deceit. Our poor actions cause us to cover our tracks with lies, and like free radicals in the body, these lies metastasize into tumors and devour our healthy selves. You’ll make mistakes—egregious ones, even. That’s okay. Fess up, or the lies will take their toll. There’s no escaping your mistakes, but you can escape the pain of hiding them. 

Spread love. You’ll find yourself in a steady stream of relationships, from friends and family to colleagues and lovers. Relationships are beautiful, but like flowers, they must be nourished or they’ll wilt. Cultivate your relationships like you would your favorite plant. Some relationships will fade over time. That’s okay. You’ll grow out of others. Some will leave you behind. That’s okay, too. But in every relationship, spread love like seeds over fertile soil. You need this; the world needs this.

Learn to love your body. Make your body as healthy and strong as you can to honor the life you’ve been given. Regarding self-confidence, know that you are beautiful just as you are. You won’t believe it. The commercial world will seep in. Others will criticize you for your differences. There’ll be days when you’ll wish for someone else’s body, when your own skin makes you writhe in agony. Stay consistent. Keep your body healthy. Find peace within and learn to love your skin. At times, you’ll slip and treat your body poorly. It’s okay. Start over today—not tomorrow—but in this very moment. Begin anew with your effort toward health and self-care.

Reject the dogmas of others. You may end up sharing a belief with someone, but come to it on your own terms. Each human is convinced they know right from wrong and truth from fiction. Question everything that gives you pause. As mentioned above, this is paramount. You may have issues with my beliefs. I may sound like a charlatan to you. So be it. But trust this concept: question whatever feels illogical to you. You hold no wisdom until you’ve arrived at the idea on your own. I’m not suggesting life in a vacuum. Take the knowledge and wisdom of others and use it to inform or guide you. But test it before you accept it. Trust the instinct to push back against ideas. If they’re strong, they’ll stand up to your inquiry.

The suggestions above are only the tip of the iceberg for ways to live your life. Your parents will guide you, as will your grandparents, aunts and brothers. They’ll help you see the world with nuance and grace. You’re lucky to have them and they’re lucky to have you.

As for us, I know you’ll make more of this life than I can ever dream of. I’ve seen the way the world glows in your eyes with an unmatched radiance. What can I really teach you beyond the tidbits above? How to wander. And I promise, there’s merit in learning that skill. It’s a key to the world’s doors, and when you’re ready, I’ll pass my copy to you.