Stirring Point

“Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember.”

 – Seneca

The truth in the above quote transcends time, holding as much weight now as it did centuries ago. Memories that follow our hearty adventures often fail to recall the experience as it was in the moment. The invisible wall we slammed into at mile 18 during the marathon took everything we had to push through. The miserable, bone-soaking rain that drenched us on our camping trip keeps us giggling a decade later. We endure these moments as challenges with moderate suffering, only to reflect upon the memory with unreasonable fondness. Adventures often suck in the moment. It’s only after the experience that we shine and polish the memory into the morsel we’ve come to love.

Why? What is it about certain hardships we’ve endured that brings a smile to our face? We know some challenges bolster our strength and endurance. The more we tear muscle with structured weightlifting, the more we’re capable of building new muscle (hormesis). We know the miles we put in strengthen the heart, allowing blood to pump with greater efficiency and leading to stronger performances. When we do hard things, we strengthen our physiology, and when paired with a sense of accomplishment, our neurology bathes us in a pool of feel-good chemicals. But why does the mind distort our memories into sweet recollections when the actual occurrence felt awful?

Modern psychology points to select cognitive biases that help explain this phenomenon, with the trap of Rosy Retrospection at the forefront. The following is a synopsis from the NeuroLeadership Institute outlining the effects of this bias:

“To scientists, Rosy Retrospection is one of many cognitive biases, or mental shortcuts, which enable efficient, energy-saving reactions that enhance our survival. In the case of Rosy Retrospection, memories of events have been stored, but the emotional experience associated with them has faded. Evolutionarily, this bias makes sense when you consider it promotes a positive self-view and may help us face challenges. The underlying mechanisms work to reframe a sour memory over time into something sweeter than it was, so when we recall the past it isn’t viewed in the same emotional light as when it occurred. In fact, while this phenomena speaks to why we’re so poor at remembering our emotions of past events – especially when it comes to painful ones – it also explains why we’re unreliable when forecasting our future emotions. In both cases, we’re much better at pointing out the negative events of our friends’ past or predicting their future emotions, than we are with ourselves. This is an important finding as we develop strategies that help us move forward in life.”

Rose-colored glasses reflect versions of past experiences that occurred differently than we remember. And while this bias traps our belief in mistaken recall, the benefits are palpable when they contribute to a positive self-view. We shouldn’t walk through life suffering obvious delusions, but when they contribute to our growth, a tinge of blissful ignorance proves useful. Sure, the stitch in your side at mile 18 felt like a wall. The cramp in your calf did too. But you pushed through. You learned that future “walls” are not blockades. If that memory is now sweet to you, it helps. You conquered a moment of potential failure, and it matters.

Seneca’s memories of hardship were sweet because his brain worked to filter out the negative aspects and allowed him to focus on the positive. This inspired a sense of resilience and motivated him to embrace additional challenges, all of which contributed to his overall sense of well-being. And like Seneca, my best adventures have been challenges to bear. We should welcome our “just punishments” for the privilege to look back upon hardship and smile. That’s a balance worth both our time and our effort.