Stirring Point

When we engage in activities aimed at self-improvement, we often do so with the sense that we are somehow accruing credit for our effort. We do accrue rewards from our labor: supple muscles from a daily yoga routine, stronger heartbeat regulation from targeted breathing exercises, greater mental acuity from brain games and puzzles. An autotelic commitment to effort rewards us with better habits, and in turn, adds value to our lives. But credit amassed for undertaking these activities is a false narrative crafted by the mind. There’s no divine accountant tallying our efforts in a ledger for us to one day cash in.

To clarify, credit here refers to the idea of internal/external validation and how we’d like our efforts to be perceived. I, the meditator, am spiritually minded and my actions will allow others to regard me as such. I, the yogi, live a life of grounding physical awareness, and through my projections of this behavior into the world, I’ll craft an image of what I want people to see. More directly, credit refers to how our minds perceive a relation to an act: falling in love with an idea, attaching our identity to it, and conflating that association with the actual benefits of practice.

A quote by neuroscientist Sam Harris from the Waking Up app uses meditation to illustrate this point:

“It’s important not to go through life merely being enamored of the idea of being a meditator. Having the concept that you practice meditation or that you’re generally mindful or that you’re doing your best to be mindful isn’t the same as actually noticing thoughts and emotions arise and pass away clearly. It isn’t the same as really breaking the spell over and over again as you go about your day. You can’t fake this, and you don’t get credit for trying. You don’t get credit for time spent meditating. It doesn’t matter that you meditated this morning or that you didn’t. The only point in space and time where you actually get to win this game is this one.”

The activities we engage in for our well-being are not about crafting an image to sell to the world; nor are they about crafting an image we sell to ourselves. If one is crafting and selling an image, that’s commerce. And while commerce is not a dirty word, it can lead to distortions about what we’re actually accomplishing. Being near the path and being on the path are not the same thing. 

This seems nitpicky and pedantic, but the point can’t be overstated. Going to the gym and putting weights on the bar is a good start. We think of ourselves as healthy people and validate our action by mentioning it to others. But little is gained unless we sit and lift the weights with effort and precision. The muscle should quiver and strain so it can break down and rebuild.

Harris’ note above illustrates how the mind easily mistakes the idea of being mindful with the actuality of being mindful. Meditation is only about arriving at the point of attention and watching how your mind behaves. It’s the action in that moment—the present—that counts. Everything else is window-dressing.

The image we work to project of ourselves fails to create lasting joy because that joy is conditional upon validation. It doesn’t matter if your community thinks you’re wise because you meditate. No quantity of admiration for the act will deliver its benefits. If your mind is still a war zone, you remain in a state of suffering. Sitting and arriving at a point of attention can calm the chaos, but you can’t fake it. The same is true for any other activity we do for the sake of our well-being. The rewards are real if we show up and do the work, but credit is no more than a shadow cast against the wall. Do or do not.